My Immortal
by rogue underdog
Summary: Losing someone can be hard to deal with. DL


Disclaimer: I do not own CSI: NY in anyway. Song is by Evanescence.

A/N: This just came to me. It doesn't always exactly fit and may have some mistakes, but this was an odd format to write in.

She climbed in her car. She knew where she had to go. She hadn't been there in a while but, he just wouldn't stop playing in her mind. It hurt for her to go, but she was so close to him. It was an important day.

As she drove off through the streets of New York, she turned the radio on. It was to help her think about something other than him and what she was doing. She settled on a station when calming, haunting music came through the speakers of the car.

_I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone_

She thought of him often. Sometimes it was at the wrong times, like when she was at a crime scene or even sitting at home. Sometimes she wished she could just forget him but he was a huge part of her life. They had been so in love. But then everything went wrong. She knew that he was always watching her, every move she made. But she couldn't have this forever.

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase_

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me_

They had gone through so much together. Her past, their first few months together. They had hated each other. But somehow, it turned to love. He had that stupid nickname for her, which she loved, no matter how much she said it annoyed her. He was her knight in shining armor. He was there for her all the times she felt she couldn't be strong. She had so many scars, so much pain, that all started after he left.

_You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me_

The first time she had met him, she thought he was a jerk. But something about him made her want to be near him more. He became sweet and kind. But that gentle, handsome face is all she sees when she goes to sleep. While they were once filled with leisure time and romantic moments, now they were filled with heartbreak and pain. She was slowly going insane by his voice calling her name everywhere. At crime scenes, at home, even while she was in court, which caused some problems. She could never be the same without him.

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase_

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me_

He always held her close to him. She felt safe, secure, at peace with him. She had such a long history with him. He had even come to support her when she was going through the roughest time in her life. And he did it on his own. But having him there, made her feel like she could do anything. Why did this have to happen to them? She should've done something. She remembered their last touch. With that memory, her eyes started to tear up.

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along_

She had tried to get past him. But every move forward brought her back about five moves. She couldn't face the facts. He was gone and he wasn't coming back. She felt his presence, even while she was driving in the car. But she knew that she was really alone. Maybe she wasn't meant to have the perfect life with the perfect guy. She could never be the same.

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase_

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me_

He had all of her. Her sanity, her memories. Without him, she was nothing. She never thought that things like this could happen, but it was a risk both was willing to take. She hated this. It was tearing her apart every chance it got. But he would forever have her heart and soul.

She finally reached her destination. She pulled into a place to park. She got out of the car and grabbed the package that was in the back. She went through the gate and back to a place she didn't really want to see. When she reached the destination, she almost turned back. Then she stepped up and began talking.

"Today, it was our anniversary. I wish you could've seen it. One year today, we would've been married." She collapsed. "I…I can't go on without you. You truly were the perfect guy who held all the answers. You…you have me. My soul, my heart, my everything. Why did this have to happen? I should have told you not to go. You weren't well. It's my fault. It's my fault we can never be together again."

She stood up and took the package off the ground. She pulled out a bouquet of daisies. It was their flower. He had given her one and now she was giving him some. She laid it on the ground in front of a grave. The grave read, Daniel Messer, Loving Son and Husband. Lindsay Messer looked at the grave and wiped away a few tears. She put her fingers to the grave, in an almost comforting way and then turned away, crying over the love she lost.


End file.
